Love letters unsent

I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I placed this strain on us. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so many things. But I’m not sorry that I met you. I’m not sorry that we collided. I’m not sorry that we were thrown at each other. I’m not sorry I fell in love with you. I’m not sorry that we started this thing together. I’m not sorry that I love you so much. You are my home. You are my safe haven, my family. You are one of the few things that has ever felt mine, fully mine. You are one of the few things I have fully surrendered myself to. You are. 

I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anything. And I feel so many things, so strongly. And every single thing brings me back to you. I love you. And I want to stay with you. I want us to be the family I never had. The cool parents, the proud parents, the household that adopts every other kid. I want our house to be as lively and full and colorful as my heart is when I’m with you. I want so many things for us. But I don’t really care if any of that comes true. ‘Cause all I really care about is that I’m with you. 

The first song I ever sang to you, even though I can’t sing, was Heart Like Yours. You said my voice was pretty. I don’t think you remember that. But I do. I remember a makeshift cabin over our heads, and sweet words, words of comfort, being spoken. I remember shy laughs because I could never put your glasses on properly. Shy smiles, shy touches. I remember gasps and sighs and brushes of fingers against skin. I remember your lips over mine and how that feels. I remember soft pillows and uncomfortable small beds, and a dog always around. I remember three taps on your shoulder, and three taps on mine. I remember pain, and uncertainty, and love, and joy, and a sadness so strong I could barely breathe. I also remember the first time we said ‘I love you’. Lost in our city, in the cold, shy, probably too soon. But both of us convinced that it was already true. That it was real. 

Yes, we’re young. Yes, we’re naïve. Yes. But I love you. And I love you. And I love you.